SG: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs what assessment he has made of the time taken for a disposable nappy to decompose.

Ben Bradshaw: The Wisard software tool used by the Environment Agency (EA) in their report, "Life Cycle Assessment of Disposable and Reusable Nappies in the UK", assumed a 500 year time boundary for leachate in landfill. The EA therefore concluded that it would take that amount of time for the plastic part of a disposable nappy to decompose. The paper-fluff and faeces should take approximately 100 and 10 years respectively to degrade.

Liberal Democrat spokeswoman for women Sandra Gidley added: "Women make up nearly half the working population, but don't have the flexibility in the way they work to balance family commitments too.

"We would offer new mothers the option of receiving a Maternity Income Guarantee equivalent to the minimum wage of £170 per week for the six months after the birth of their first child."

We've picked people we think are honest, brave and sensible regardless of party. They come from Labour and the Liberal Democrats equally, plus a few nationalists. War and peace is bigger than partisan politics.

GidleyWatch - A shining star in our collection, in that it resulted in Sandra Gidley starting a weblog of her own. The proxy-blog is 6th in Google, 2nd in Yahoo and 3rd in MSN for 'sandra gidley'

• Call barring and premium rate services
  
• Hunting ban and Government assistance (asking what it will be)
  
• Action on AIDS
  
• Carers in the United Kingdom
  
• 30th anniversary of the Anthony Nolan Trust (promoting bone marrow donorship)
  
• Public inquiry into Gulf War diseases (that there should be one)
  
• Costs of night-time leisure economy (charging bars and clubs)
  
• Service accommodation
  
• VAT on commemorative headstones (nope, they're not exempt)
  
• Affordable housing in the South East (that there's not enough)
  
• Dog and cat fur (to ban its trade)
  
• Arctic campaign medal
  
• Diabetic blood glucose monitoring strips
  
• Licensing and regulation of prescription medicines
  
• Racism and European football (condemned)
  
• International development news coverage (on the Beeb)
  
• Planning for mobile communications
  
• Illegal meat
  
• Renewable heat obligation
  
• Racism in football (no. 2) (deplored)
  
• National Tree Week (not to be confused with the Tree Day Week)
  
• Child Support Agency ("Boo!")
  
• Supermarket Code of Practice
  
• Identity cards ("suggests that the Home Secretary should place the proposal in a deep Home Office drawer, rather than an overloaded Government in-tray")
  
• Continuing work of Daniel Barenboim and the late Edward Said
  
• London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games (backing them)
  
• Targets for the Climate Change Review
  
• ICJ's ruling on Israel's separation barrier (welcomed)
  
• Osteoporosis services
  
• Mental health legislation
  
• Ward Watch campaign (in support of Mind's campaign to improve hospital conditions for mental health patients)

• OFCOM and ITV regional programming
  
• Cystic fibrosis and prescription charges (no charges for people with CF)
  
• Gap between rich and poor
  
• Gap between high and low earners (not be confused with the EDM above)
  
• Impact of VAT on the voluntary sector
  
• Gift Aid and independent museums
  
• Health warning labels of alcoholic drinks (e.g., "Drinking may harm you and others around you")
  
• Slaughter of companion animals for food in China (stroke, don't eat)
  
• Sale of bananas in the Palace of Westminster (Recess Monkey's campaign)
  
• Combined heat and power (to reduce carbon emissions)
  
• Regulations implementing the landfill allowance trading scheme
  
• Canadian seal slaughter (deplorable)
  
• G8 and EU presidencies (for international development)
  
• Darfur
  
• Vulnerable children affected by HIV/AIDS
  
• Financial Assistance Scheme (insufficiently large)
  
• Abolition of the over thirty months scheme amendment
  
• Food supplements and medicinal products (protection against new directive)
  
• Blue Badge Scheme research
  
• Access to pensions (problems thereof)
  
• Contaminated blood products public inquiry (that there should be one)
  
• Alan Turing (that he was great)
  
• Pensioners' manifesto
  
• Housing (affordability)
  
• Justice for victims of Gulf War illnessess
  
• Patient access to medical technology and healthcare resource groups
  
• Macmillan Cancer Relief's Better Deal campaign (to "stop cancer spreading to people's finances")

Now we reached Miss [Melanie] Johnson. Her first task was to answer a question from a dreary Lib Dem called Gidley (Romsey) who was worried about rampant alcoholism among old age pensioners.

I dare say that if I have a droner like Gidley for my MP when I'm in my 70s I'll tilt the odd elbow, too.

What's the point of being old if you can't unscrew the top off a bottle of Harveys Amontillado at elevenses?

Sandra Gidley (Lib Dem, Romsey) expressed concern about "a growing problem of alcohol abuse among old people", who "don't present such a high profile on Saturday night" as youthful binge drinkers, so tend to be overlooked.

It seems pretty clear to this column what has driven these unfortunate old people to drink. They are suffering from chronic toothache and their feet are killing them, and they cannot find either a dentist or a chiropodist.

Sandra Gidley is a Liberal Democrat and, as such, is doomed to spend her days asking ridiculous questions. Yesterday she demanded to know why the alcohol harm reduction strategy had been "sexed down". Why were drunk old people not included? "Is it because this is another example of NHS ageism?" she fumed.

Mel J denied that drunk old people were being ignored. In fact, even as she spoke, there were "interventions in primary and hospital settings to work out how we can target better". She insisted that people "from all ranges" are being helped. I had not realised that people came in ranges.

Then Sandra Gidley did what MPs love to do, which is to scare the pants off us all. She raised the problem of binge drinking among old persons.

Heavens, Sanatogenpops, advocaat special brew, pints of mild with Horlicks chasers! Very, very slow barroom brawls with Zimmer frames clashing! Ministers clearly have no idea what to do about this menace.

Professor Sir Roy Meadow, the paediatrician whose evidence led to the wrongful jailing of Angela Cannings, was paid more than £8,000 of taxpayers' money to testify.
[...]
Yesterday, Sandra Gidley, Liberal Democrat spokesman on children, said: "£8,000 is an awful lot. Angela Cannings received no compensation. The balance does not seem fair."

Bungled means tests for long-term care fees were fiercely criticised by the Health Service Ombudsman yesterday.
[...]
Health Minister Stephen Ladyman [...] claimed that "good progress" had been made on the review, despite the DoH missing a series of self-imposed deadlines.

But Sandra Gidley, the Liberal Democrat spokesman for older people, said: "This highly critical report must ring alarm bells for the Government."

The Health Service Ombudsman criticised the Government this week for bungling long-term care fees means tests - for which it has set aside £180 million compensation.
[...]
Sandra Gidley, the Liberal Democrat spokesman for older people, said: "This highly critical report must ring alarm bells for the Government."

The Liberal Democrat MP Sandra Gidley, a former pharmacist, warned against parents regarding Ritalin as "a wonder drug" that could cure disruptive behaviour in all youngsters.

"Ritalin is regarded as a magic bullet by some parents. It is becoming so widespread that I have had parents in my surgery who regard it as a wonder drug, complaining that doctors are refusing to prescribe it to their children," she said. "In some kids it is because they are eating so many additives in junk food and often what is needed is some low-level intervention from social services to help with parenting skills. In many cases, Ritalin is a cop-out solution to a wider problem."

Until then, we lazily refer you to a particularly inventive simile from our favourite read, Romseyredhead:

The press are not stupid and the clash stood out like a lighthouse on speed.

To Lib Dem Sandra Gidley's weblog next, for a masterclass in the art of the simile. "The press are not stupid," writes the Romsey MP of Mr Tony and Gordon's diary duel last week, "and the clash stood out like a lighthouse on speed." Top work, Sandra. On the off chance you need future assistance mapping one semantic field on to another - or just some speed - do feel free to get in touch.

Perhaps they are so engrossed in organising their Santa sit-ins that they have no time to engage with politicians and try and establish common ground.

The press are not stupid and the clash stood out like a lighthouse on speed.

• Vanunu and nuclear diasarmament (calls for the decommissioning of Trident)
  
• Death of Daniel Morgan (calls for a public inquiry)
  
• OFCOM and ITV regional programming (calls for an OFCOM rethink)

• Make Poverty History in 2005 campaign

Assembled journalists and cameramen were told about the hidden threat in Britain's clubs. MP Sandra Gidley said that the government was 'in denial' about the issue, refusing to recognise its seriousness.